Douche Bag!

Dear DB,
This stupid truck-car-whatever-the-FUCK-thing does not make you sweet. In fact, it makes you look like a four collar popped douche bag. For reals bro.



I don't know why you're driving this THING around downtown. I do, however, LOVE your complete disregard for the parking rules. No need to park the same way everyone else does. You are such an INDIVIDUAL. Plus, I'm sure parking that thing is, like, so hard and stuff.

Even when I stay home, the retards flock to me. Faaa-LIP!

Irritation Station

Things that irritate me:

1. People holding paper over their head in the rain. Really!? Do you honestly think a sheet of newspaper is gonna keep you dry? Why don't we make umbrellas out of old paper? Genius!


2. Slow movers. Driving, walking, pushing a shopping cart, GET OUT OF MY WAY!!!!

3. Rodents. In. My. HOUSE.



4. Dogs. Barking, jumping, growling, biting, pooping. Ok mostly everything about dogs.


5. People throwing garbage (or dog shit) in my yard. Don't.

6. Loud or quiet talkers. Just be normal. Gaaaaawd.

7. Snaggle teeth.



8. Cason's massive amount of puke. Maybe not irritating but definitely emotionally exhausting.


9. People not listening or hearing me.

10. Whining. Stop. Use your words.


Happy Friday y'all!

Mulitple Personalities

Maybe I'm crazier then the average house bound woman. The voices in my head refuse to listen to THAT blather. Here's a little taste of what I like to call "just the tip" of the crazy popsicle:
Took Cason to the pediatrician on Thursday. First time there. However, there were large signs EVERYWHERE stating "NO FOOD OR DRINK IN THE EXAMINATION ROOMS". Shit. Of course I have snacks and water in the diaper bag. Can't be THAT big of a deal right? I mean, I'm not going to walk all 3 of our asses back out to the car to empty out some snacks.
Into the exam room we go. Another large sign on the door. Meh. Of course our appointment is during prime nap time and Kiara is starting to fade fast. Guess what she sees? Her "cookies" in the diaper bag. She asks, and asks, and whines and cries. And I think, "Fuck it. It'll be quick. No biggie." I admit, I was in the "wrong" and I thought myself to be above the law.
As soon as I pass her the bag, the doctor walks in. "I really wish you wouldn't have given her that. There's large signs everywhere that say no food."
"I didn't think it was that big of a deal."
"We just never know who's going to be in the room next and they could have allergies. So if she drops food on the floor and THE NEXT CHILD IS ALLERGIC, PICKS IT UP AND EATS IT...you can see the problem."
Bring on Judgy Jane;
Damn straight I can see the problem. LETTING YOUR KIDS PICK UP FOOD FROM AN EXAM ROOM FLOOR AND EAT IT! Are you kidding me?! Now, before you all gather and uproar, I know it happens. Kiara picks food up quite often and eats it. Difference, it's in our house and SHE PUT IT THERE. Would she grab food off the floor somewhere else? Sure. She's 2. Would she bring it to me? Thus far, that's been the case.
If your child is THAT allergic that a morsel could be deadly. Keep them at home. Okay, only half kidding. But really, if it's that big of an issue, isn't it your responsibility as a parent to be extra careful? Why does this suddenly become my issue?
In other news, Cason weighed in at a whopping 13 lbs 8.5 oz. Jigga jigga whaa?! That's CA-razy! Just to top it all off, he's also 24" long. Oh ya, 2 solid feet baby! I think Matt's right, super heavy weight is where it's at.

Noteable (?) Firsts

Ventured out to the park just the other day. I know, it's cold and all that but please. Staying in this house for weeks on end will drive you crazy. Plus, Kiara was dying to wear her 'Nucks gloves I just found. My little big girl walked the whole way by herself. AND she rode the big swing, also by herself. First time. Really other then that, not a whole lot for the small people to enjoy at our local ghetto park. That's okay though cause we were nearing meltdown stage and had to get back for Elmo anyway. She absolutely loves it outside, as does Cason, clearly, and I'm really looking forward to this spring and summer with her.

Cason had his first bottle on Saturday. I have such mixed emotoins about this. I was the same with Kiara. I really hoped that they would reject the bottle and I would "have" to nurse them. Neither did. Cason had a slight, very slight issue with it. That lasted all of 10 seconds. And then I was replaced. Dramatic, non? I'm so scared that he'll take the bottle and never want me again. For anything. Completely normal I'm sure. I was mostly concerned with the monster because he eats so much. Thought he might love the faster flow of a bottle. However, he drank too much, too fast and ended up hurling a good portion of it on the floor. Does he know how hard that shit is to make?! Some people's kids, I tell you.

Didn't quiet make my running goal this week. This am wake up shit is rough. I logged four runs thus far with another one scheduled for later today. I have to wait for sleepy pants to get out of bed before I abandon my children. ;) Interesting things I've learned, hookers work at 0630. Shocking I thought. Yesterday it was pretty chilly out as I was hitting the pavement. I ran across a couple, STANDING outside of a BAR SMOKING. She looks at me and says, "You're running in THIS?! Are you CRAZY?!" Right, I'm crazy. And wasting my life. Oh wait, that's you.

I have a love hate relationship with stupid people. I hate for obvious reasons. I love being able to bitch at and about them. I really do. It's a little fun to get worked up about nothing really. Vent all my pent up whatever-ness at some stranger. For the record, I don't usually rant at these people face to face. I'm way classier then that. I do it behind their back.

Get What You Pay For

I FINALLY made it to the doctor this morning. I had been trying for three days, but with Cason cluster feeding ALL EVENING it's impossible to do much of anything.
Get to the MediCentre, take my number and sit. And as it happens every time, I manage to sit beside the "friendly" person. You know the one; wants to comment on you or your child only to tell you all about their kids and grand kids. Really, do I look that friendly?! At least she was nice enough. But come on lady! Silence is not so bad.
After not too long of a wait, I got in the the exam room. Cue doctor. So this guy strolls in, doesn't introduce himself, doesn't ask me my name, just says, "What can we do for you?" I explain to him that my knee's been bothering me and I"m about to start a rather intense running program and I just want to make sure nothing's majorly wrong before I do. I know I"m carrying some extra weight so maybe that's it. Told him that I've been icing it and taking ibuprofen but it's still swollen. "Let's take a look at it." Genius right? He grabs it and asks to see my other knee. So I bust that bad boy out. "Well that one is a little heavier" Did he just call my knee FAT?! "Start gradually, take Advil if it hurts, if it gets worse cease and desist. It's not red and hot so it's okay." **Doctor exits. Thanks for the time Doc! Go free health care. Needless to say, I'm going for my first run tomorrow. I'm excited, nervous and anxious. Can't wait to get STARTED!