From There to Here

Seven months ago, Cason was born. Best Boxing Day EVER!
Since then, he's had almost four teeth come in, started solid food, said "mama" and "dada". He's rolling and crawling, holding his own bottle and growing at a rate that blows my mind.

Within the first minute of 2010, I had registered myself for the Canadian Death Race.
February 15 was my very first run. Clocked in at a whopping 19 minutes. A hard 19 minutes at that.
I've gone from running 19 minutes around the block, to running 21 km's of trail. From knowing very little about this "sport" to reading about different techniques weekly.
Now, I'm 5 sleeps away from calling myself a "Death Racer". One week away from finishing what I started. 6 days from completing the biggest personal goal I've ever set.
I'm nervous and excited. My mental game is starting to crack with anticipation. It's hard to focus on anything for any amount of time. I've got lists all over the place, gear, food, training logs. Now I just need to slow down, let my body do what I've trained it to do.

"The mind is the limit. We know that it is not the body. As long as the mind can envision the fact that you can do something, you can do it- as long as you really believe 100%. It’s all mind over matter."

Go like hell.

Scared of the Dark

I'm scared of the dark.
And the wilderness.
I have no idea what possessed me to run SOLO at 11:30pm on a Friday night.
Clearly, I am not normal.
I will be finishing Leg 4 in the dark. The wee morning hours. So, natch, I want to get in a few night runs. Plus I did some reading on the subject and people warned of getting motion sickness when running with the headlamp. This didn't even occur to me.
I'm also scared of puking.
I was excited all day. Until about 10:45. Then the nerves kicked in. And I tried to come up with a good reason not to. Unforch, 38 km's over a mountain in 20 some days kept winning. Balls.
Only car in the lot. Good? Bad? Nervous. Set out up the first hill.
"Ok. I can do this."
A CRAZY storm had just past and everything was wet, muddy, felt like running on water covered plastic but that's what poles are for right? Thought I heard strange noises at the top. Stopped. Looked around. Got my RUN on. I had an idea running scared would increase my speed.
I was doing it!
Running in the dark!
In the wilderness!
And not being eaten!
Awesome!
Heard it again. Now I'm freaked out. There's got to be someone behind me. I can't see the parking lot.
"What if they've been waiting the whole night for some stupid girl to come out here by herself?! WHAT IF I'M THAT GIRL!?"
Know what it was? The massive power lines above me. When nothing else is going on, they make strange noises that I'm not used to. Lames mcplanes.
Running with the headlamp wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I'll try it next time without a hat. Those 2 feet right in front of you make a difference.
I was super tense. My toe hurt. (Cause I broke it. Sweet.) And I was SCARED. Did not want to be out there by myself. Plus, I decided it was dangerous. All muddy and stuff. So I bailed. Headed home after 20 minutes. Turned right around and booked it through a field cause I heard a noise.
"Fuck THIS!"
I was out.
So glad I'm not doing Leg 5. So. Glad.

Falling in love is hard on the knees.

Or back as it would seem.
Sunday night I went for my first real, long, solo trail run. To say I loved it would be an understatement. Being in love doesn't even come close to what I feel for trail running now.

Pre Sunridge last weekend.

Matt and the kids dropped me off at Sunridge shortly before 8pm. Of course, as soon as I start up the first hill (nice warm up right?) it starts raining. With hard wind. And lighting. And even a little thunder. I was giddy with excitement.
Had some issues with the ol' Garmin getting started. Tech support, I am not. Got it figured. Had my intervals set for 10 hours instead of 10 minutes. No wonder I didn't hear a beep!
Bottom of the first ski hill I saw a guy clearly looking for something. As I was ascending the "mountain" I heard him whistle. Then I saw it. A dog. A big old black one. Who looked so lost and sad and thirsty. I pointed him in the right direction and carried on. He took off in front of me. So I stopped. Called him over, and walked him back to meet his owner who was making his way up the hill. I even TOUCHED him. A dog. Me. Who woulda thunk? That one's for you mama!
Carried on rather uneventful for the duration of the Sunridge portion. I ran without music. I've actually decided I like that better. Crazy as it sounds, I can focus more without music. 10 and 1's were a godsend! Totes be using those bad boys again.
Over the bridge and through Rundle I really tried to focus on my stride and my speed. Ate some jelly beans. Ran in the mud and puddles every chance I could. Over the Ainsworth bridge and back into the trees. Towards the latter half of this I started to lose focus and my legs were getting TENSE. Had my frozen apple juice (thinking this will be my post race treat?) and increased my walk breaks as needed.
In the home stretch, it started to get DARK. I didn't have a headlamp and was thinking I could still take the river valley trails right to the house. Until I hit a heavily treed area. I sprinted through that bad boy let me tell you! It was dark and scary. What have I got myself into?
Once I climbed up into the city again, I had a goal in my head that I wanted to be home by 11. All I wanted. Of course, I couldn't see the time on my watch. I did happen by a large sign that told me it was only 10:27. SHAAWHAA?!?!??!?! I actually giggled.
Losing focus, those last couple blocks are HARD, I changed songs. Hoping against hope that I'd get my Death Race mantra. Mika's "We Are Golden". And I DID! Clearly it was a sign. From whom I don't really care. As soon as it came on, I had the NIKE commercial in my head. And I RAN the last 5 blocks home. The kind of real running that makes people nervous. When I hit the front yard I wanted to scream. I wasn't ready to stop. I was pumped. So proud of myself. And maybe I cried a little. *shrugs*
Best run ever. I LOVE THIS SHIT!

*Well mostly. I haven't really been able to pick up the kids or walk the last two days cause my back eff'd up. But that comes with it right? Matt thinks it's because of my "transverse abdominal". Yay, more core work.

The Proverbial Plate

Count yer chickens folks! We're like 34 days out from the Death Race. Thirty. Four. Days. How did this happen?! How did we get here already!?
Training's been up and down and all over the map for me. May was a HARD month. Trip to BC and some personal issues. June's been good to me however. Ran my very first race ever. Said race happened to be the hardest in the 5 Peaks series. 14.3 km's of off road toe bruising single track awesomeness! I finished. I was not last overall. Success!!!!! Really looking forward to improving next month. I hear it's a much "easier" course. My first thought is to shave at least 15 minutes off my time...I'll let you know how that goes.
We've decided to try and sell the house again. Because packing, showing and selling a house is so convenient. Plan is to have this bad boy listed within the next 2 weeks. Moving is so much work at the best of times. This, is not the best of times. Pretty sure my hair is going to start falling out from the stress.
Kids are doing well. Kiara's two. Those of you whom have children, know what that means. Most days are good days. Freezies are her new currency so I keep that in my back pocket.
Matt tried to take her and get her haircut. Didn't work. The hairdresser gave her a wagon wheel.

Me:"Kiara did you get your haircut?"
Kiara:"No"
Me:"Why not?"
Kiara:"I scared. Man. Have choplet?"
Me:"The man scared you but gave you chocolate?"
Kiara:"Ya. More choplet paaaalllllllease mom?"

Perfect. Now when I comb her hair, she thinks she's getting a "haircut" and would like some chocolate.
Cason's a beast. He'll be 6 months tomorrow. At the beginning of the month, he was 16lbs 7oz. 27". Two teeth. Army crawling and into EVERYTHING. He's deffo one of those kids where everything goes into his mouth. Perfect for when I'm trying to pack. And Kiara's unpacking behind me.

Update of the family kind

I don't really have the energy for anything that's not laying down so here's a sort version of "exciting" news on the family front.
Cason rolled over on Friday. For those of you paying attention, that's 3 months to the day. Last night he also laughed for the first time. Now things are starting to get exciting!

Kiara's almost 2 and showing it everyday. She's got strong opinions and a real need to do things for herself. Mostly cute. Mostly. Needless to say, she's my daughter as her attitude is showing me every single day.
Matt's kinda moving into a new position at work. He'll be taking on more of a "Project Manager" role in the future. He sounds excited about it so that's good. As much as he won't admit it, I'm pretty sure he likes to be "that guy".
I'm training. And wifeing. And moming. And trying to blog. Bleh. Started running trails now so that's super exciting. Much rather be there then the concrete jungle. Finished my first 10 km's on Sunday. Didn't kill me so that's a bonus.
We've got two rounds of family and one of friends coming in April so it should be a good month. Peace.

Dear So & So

You may not have got the memo but I'm training for the Death Race. It's kinda a big deal. I know I have to get ready for some "conditions". However this week you've already thrown ice, snow, wind, blowing snow, an exploding camel pack (I was literally talking about how awesome it was 2 DAYS AGO!) and a dead iPod at me. Oh, and I tweaked my knee grocery shopping. Can't believe I almost forgot the leak in the basement. Really this is too much for one girl to deal with. I'm getting up before 06:00. Both of my children are still sleeping. I'm pretty sure this is going against some rule of the universe. Throw me a bone big guy.
Let's make a deal; you get the weather sitch together and I'll keep recycling. Maybe even start a compost. Deal?

New Toy

I got a new toy. I've decided to name her Lacy. Random. She's a Garmin Forerunner 205 and so PRETTY! It's a little lame how excited I am about a watch. I wore it on my run today, 4.65 km's in 35:59 which is a PB for me. I even got it all set up by myself! Well except for the software...wish me luck.

Staying Pos(itive)

Ran today. Didn't want to. So many reasons not to. Like washing my hair and re lacing my tennis shoes. God I love tennis.

My legs hurt.

My will power hurts.

But not my soul, yet.

For the first time ever, I had to stop and walk. I felt like I was running in wet concrete. Only a block and a half, but I felt like a complete failure. Shitty deal. Added a minute overall to my run time. Good right? So why don't I feel good?

I have such a problem "looking on the bright side". When in the right frame of mind I remind myself, "I have enough, I do enough, I am enough." That mindset hasn't been around much lately. Instead I hear, "Not strong enough, not fast enough, not focused enough. Just not enough." Tips on shutting off this ugly voice?
I know I focus on the darker side of life. The longer I look, the uglier things get. You always find what you're looking for. Actually, I think you always find what you expect. I may look for good things, try to see the silver lining, but I expect the bottom to fall out. As long as I hold that expectation, it happens every time, to some degree. If only my rational brain was in control all of the time. I'd be perfect!
Just need to focus on the pos. At least I ran today. I added a minute to my time. I'm moving in the right direction. I'm doing good for me in my life. P.I.N.D.Y.

Noteable (?) Firsts

Ventured out to the park just the other day. I know, it's cold and all that but please. Staying in this house for weeks on end will drive you crazy. Plus, Kiara was dying to wear her 'Nucks gloves I just found. My little big girl walked the whole way by herself. AND she rode the big swing, also by herself. First time. Really other then that, not a whole lot for the small people to enjoy at our local ghetto park. That's okay though cause we were nearing meltdown stage and had to get back for Elmo anyway. She absolutely loves it outside, as does Cason, clearly, and I'm really looking forward to this spring and summer with her.

Cason had his first bottle on Saturday. I have such mixed emotoins about this. I was the same with Kiara. I really hoped that they would reject the bottle and I would "have" to nurse them. Neither did. Cason had a slight, very slight issue with it. That lasted all of 10 seconds. And then I was replaced. Dramatic, non? I'm so scared that he'll take the bottle and never want me again. For anything. Completely normal I'm sure. I was mostly concerned with the monster because he eats so much. Thought he might love the faster flow of a bottle. However, he drank too much, too fast and ended up hurling a good portion of it on the floor. Does he know how hard that shit is to make?! Some people's kids, I tell you.

Didn't quiet make my running goal this week. This am wake up shit is rough. I logged four runs thus far with another one scheduled for later today. I have to wait for sleepy pants to get out of bed before I abandon my children. ;) Interesting things I've learned, hookers work at 0630. Shocking I thought. Yesterday it was pretty chilly out as I was hitting the pavement. I ran across a couple, STANDING outside of a BAR SMOKING. She looks at me and says, "You're running in THIS?! Are you CRAZY?!" Right, I'm crazy. And wasting my life. Oh wait, that's you.

I have a love hate relationship with stupid people. I hate for obvious reasons. I love being able to bitch at and about them. I really do. It's a little fun to get worked up about nothing really. Vent all my pent up whatever-ness at some stranger. For the record, I don't usually rant at these people face to face. I'm way classier then that. I do it behind their back.

Bring on the Pain

I'm sore. Everywhere. Let's review.

The alarm went off this morning at a painful 06:00. Really? I thought waking up this early was a good idea? It had been about 2 hours since Cason nursed last. I was so warm and cozy...fond memories. Anyway, up and out I go. I hadn't thought the night before of wearing something a little more visible. 6 am is DARK. Can't find my sweet BC Hydro shirt in the dark so I opted for my bright orange wind breaker/rain jacket. I can't tell you how pumped I was that I could even get it done up! Been awhile since that happened. Matt informs me it's -9. -9!!!! Needless to say I'm making good use of the running gloves mama bought me. Thanks! Plan was to walk for a song and then get my run on. Once out in the cold dark however, there was a change of plans. First, I am not running the same route I did yesterday. Sketchy. Second, it's fucking COLD! Drop this walking crap! Thought maybe I'd do some runner warm ups that I read about in "Running Start to Finish". One thing that's super awesome about running this early? No one can see me!!!! As I was quite thankful for when the song changed. On comes Weezer's "Best Friend" and I busted a sweet move (or two) and got my run ON. The cold isn't too bad at all once you get going. Maybe even a little refreshing. I did decide though that I'm not really set up to run in anything much colder. I just don't have the gear for it. Thank goodness the coldest of winter seems to be over. I think I did 12 blocks in 15 minutes today. Breathing wasn't as hard as it was yesterday...but really it's too soon to see improvement right? But man-o-war! My legs are SORE. Iced my knee last night. Will do again today and hopefully be able to get a hot bath in too. Mmmmm, hot bath. I feel good about just getting out and getting it done. I know the next couple weeks are going to be hard and my body is going to hurt. The more sore and tired I get, the easier it will be for me to make excuses. Right now I'm aiming to run everyday until Sunday. Then I'll do a yoga video for "active recovery". I'm going to need to start stretching too. And for those of you dying to know, I weighed in at 195 this morning. I usually weigh myself every week but I think I'm going to back off and do it every month. Maybe with measurements? Try and get those done tonight too.

Chitlin update. Cason is smiling like there's no tomorrow! He's eating and sleeping A LOT. I think he's in another (the same?) growth spurt. He's getting so strong. Still just a baby though. ;)

Kiara is a mad women! Running, dancing and talking up a storm. She's a big fan of pretending to talk on her cell phone. You should hear her babble! She's also become a big fan of cuddling on the couch. "Cuddo, couch?" I am so in love with these small people!

First Day of the Rest of My Life

Well the title may be a LITTLE dramatic. Still, today I did it! I went for my first run! Yesterday was supposed to be my big start. Life however, got in the way BIG TIME. I know that these challenges will come up in training over the next 5 months but I feel that they will be easier to overcome as time goes on. And you know how I feel about Monday starts. ;) I did forget to weigh myself this morning. Weight loss is not my focus so I'm not too worried about it but I would like to track it as a branch on the tree. I'm weird about weighing myself too. Always the same day of the week, always first thing in the morning. When I was seeing the midwife I refused to use her scale. Only a mad women weighs herself on a foreign scale, fully clothed, on a Wednesday afternoon!
Back to the run. Got all geared up, running socks and all and headed out the door. God I love to be outside! I think the temp was around 2 and it's sunny out. Perfect. I walked for a song, NIN Capital G, and then hit the pavement. It felt SO GOOD! Besides the HUGE mertle I was rocking. You know, the female front wedgie? Totally sexy. Few patches of ice but they were pretty noticeable. My biggest hurdle was dog shit. Seriously people! Pick up after your damn dogs! I want to throw dirty diapers on the lawn of every person who doesn't pick up their dog's shit. Man that would be a fun day! Stayed in my neighbourhood, no idea of my "distance" but it wasn't far. Less then 20 minutes I was gone. It sounds ridiculous, but the last 2 blocks almost won. I just lifted my head and thought of that mountain, pressed on.
I feel like getting out this morning was the first of many hurdles. Right now, it seems like the biggest. Doesn't someone say "The first step is the hardest"? Hope so. There's so much I'm looking forward to. Running for more then 20 minutes, running with the kids, not having to pull my shirt down every block. Trish lent me a sweet ass shirt but lordy! That thing is TIGHT! I look forward to it fitting one day. So that's it. The training has begun. Prepare to be bored silly with all my training updates and other madness.

The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start.