I've been reading some other blogs for inspiration. (I WILL NOT copy and paste. I will NOT copy and paste. I won't paste. I won't...how would anyone know?) And found some sad and fascinating facts:
First, I think I may be the only person outside of New York that has a blog. Pretty sure this makes me trendy and possibly fashion forward too.
I never have nor will I ever, be in the "industry". Not sure which one, just know that it doesn't apply to moi. Then again, what does?
I am not doing this to be creative. I don't have these juices and voices that need an outlet. I am not in a constant state of making art, love and beauty. Sure, the bohemian life sounds great if you're not into mortgages, kids, monogamy and small town living. This brought a question forth, why am I doing this then?
Simple really. Validation. I want you to be stunned by my wit. Awed at my honesty. Shocked at my amazing sense of humour. I want for you to see a little of yourself in me, my life and my experiences. Laugh, scream and cry with me. Crazy is much more fun when you have someone pulling out their hair with you.
I have a somewhat demented need to (at least pretend to) know everything. So I went back to the beginning of a certain blog so I could partake in the evolution. I was jealous, dismayed and a little depressed to learn that within 24 hours she had 67 followers. 67. It's been about 3 weeks. I have 2. And 2 that I ASKED. (Totally love you guys!) Not only that, she had 93 hits. Me? 6. Oh ya, it's all about the numbers baby. My response? Quit writing. No one's reading it anyway. Big ol' infant cry. Then it hit me. Cue the light bulb. I don't want y'all to walk this life with me, I want you to TELL me you're walking with me. See it? Welcome to the madness in my brain.
As a result, from this day forward I am going to make a conscious decision to not give my power away. To stop looking outside for validation and acceptance. To not only seek it within but to have it be enough. I can. I will. I must. Trying to find the happiness in myself and all that bolly-who.
I am enough.
I have enough.
I do enough.
Thank you Sark!
Showing posts with label All up in my head. Show all posts
Showing posts with label All up in my head. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Staying Pos(itive)
Ran today. Didn't want to. So many reasons not to. Like washing my hair and re lacing my tennis shoes. God I love tennis.
My legs hurt.
My will power hurts.
But not my soul, yet.
For the first time ever, I had to stop and walk. I felt like I was running in wet concrete. Only a block and a half, but I felt like a complete failure. Shitty deal. Added a minute overall to my run time. Good right? So why don't I feel good?
I have such a problem "looking on the bright side". When in the right frame of mind I remind myself, "I have enough, I do enough, I am enough." That mindset hasn't been around much lately. Instead I hear, "Not strong enough, not fast enough, not focused enough. Just not enough." Tips on shutting off this ugly voice?
I know I focus on the darker side of life. The longer I look, the uglier things get. You always find what you're looking for. Actually, I think you always find what you expect. I may look for good things, try to see the silver lining, but I expect the bottom to fall out. As long as I hold that expectation, it happens every time, to some degree. If only my rational brain was in control all of the time. I'd be perfect!
Just need to focus on the pos. At least I ran today. I added a minute to my time. I'm moving in the right direction. I'm doing good for me in my life. P.I.N.D.Y.
My legs hurt.
My will power hurts.
But not my soul, yet.
For the first time ever, I had to stop and walk. I felt like I was running in wet concrete. Only a block and a half, but I felt like a complete failure. Shitty deal. Added a minute overall to my run time. Good right? So why don't I feel good?
I have such a problem "looking on the bright side". When in the right frame of mind I remind myself, "I have enough, I do enough, I am enough." That mindset hasn't been around much lately. Instead I hear, "Not strong enough, not fast enough, not focused enough. Just not enough." Tips on shutting off this ugly voice?
I know I focus on the darker side of life. The longer I look, the uglier things get. You always find what you're looking for. Actually, I think you always find what you expect. I may look for good things, try to see the silver lining, but I expect the bottom to fall out. As long as I hold that expectation, it happens every time, to some degree. If only my rational brain was in control all of the time. I'd be perfect!
Just need to focus on the pos. At least I ran today. I added a minute to my time. I'm moving in the right direction. I'm doing good for me in my life. P.I.N.D.Y.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Monday Starts
I've gone and done it. Here I am sitting at the computer ready to put my personal life and thoughts out into the scary world of inter web. AH! What am I thinking?! I'm thinking, this is a great place to ramble. To keep friends and family updated on the goings on in our lives but mostly a place for me to verbally vomit the noise in my head.
So what's new, what's going on, why now? Well, I figured now is as good a time as any. I'm about to start training for the Death Racehttp://candiandeathrace.com/ and wanted a place to track and post the process. Facebook only reaches so many people and most of those people don't want to read about the daily grind. And at the end of the day, I just like to write. I can remember when mom worked at the Observer, back in the "old days" before we had a computer, I used to sit at the electric type writer and pound the keys. I find the sound therapeutic. And it's Monday.
For whatever reason, as long as I can remember, I like to start new things on Mondays. Diets, training, any kind of new goal or lifestyle change, always on a Monday. Odd.
Cason and I see the midwife tomorrow. I'm waiting to hear from her for the go ahead for my training. Do you see the problem here? That means that I probably won't start training until WEDNESDAY! This makes me nervous. My first mental hurdle. Nevermind that 38km's over a mountain, no, what gives me real trouble? Breaking out of my crazy. Le sigh.
I think that's it for now. I've got laundry to fold and other things to get to while both of the angels sleep. You know, things like a shower and maybe some food if I'm lucky. ;) This mom thing is pretty awesome! My heart races as I look at the "Publish Post" button...am I ready for this? Are you? Have I proof read and spell checked enough? Nervous Nelly...here goes nothing...
So what's new, what's going on, why now? Well, I figured now is as good a time as any. I'm about to start training for the Death Racehttp://candiandeathrace.com/ and wanted a place to track and post the process. Facebook only reaches so many people and most of those people don't want to read about the daily grind. And at the end of the day, I just like to write. I can remember when mom worked at the Observer, back in the "old days" before we had a computer, I used to sit at the electric type writer and pound the keys. I find the sound therapeutic. And it's Monday.
For whatever reason, as long as I can remember, I like to start new things on Mondays. Diets, training, any kind of new goal or lifestyle change, always on a Monday. Odd.
Cason and I see the midwife tomorrow. I'm waiting to hear from her for the go ahead for my training. Do you see the problem here? That means that I probably won't start training until WEDNESDAY! This makes me nervous. My first mental hurdle. Nevermind that 38km's over a mountain, no, what gives me real trouble? Breaking out of my crazy. Le sigh.
I think that's it for now. I've got laundry to fold and other things to get to while both of the angels sleep. You know, things like a shower and maybe some food if I'm lucky. ;) This mom thing is pretty awesome! My heart races as I look at the "Publish Post" button...am I ready for this? Are you? Have I proof read and spell checked enough? Nervous Nelly...here goes nothing...
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